As a wedding planner, one of the most common questions I get from my couples is whether or not they should do a first look. It’s a decision that comes up early in the wedding planning process as it makes a big difference on the structure of their wedding day, and honestly, most couples go back and forth on it more than once before deciding which option feels like the right fit for them.
On one hand, we have the more traditional couples who want to have that special moment as one fiance waits while the other walks down the aisle. It is an upheld tradition for a reason, and it is an incredibly special moment for couples. On the other hand, we have couples who decide they want to see each other before the ceremony and share in a different kind of special moment. But what is a first look?
A first look is a moment the couple share before the ceremony where they privately see each other for the first time. Aside from allowing you to spend your time with your nearly-wed, it also helps with the logistics of the day, allowing more time for photography before the ceremony and more time to enjoy your event once it’s underway.
The reality is that there’s no correct answer. It truly comes down to what you, as a couple, want to prioritize for the day, and what you want to experience for the day. So let’s break down the real pros and cons of a wedding day first look, based on what I’ve seen work (and not work) for the couples I’ve planned for across the East Coast.
Photos by Sarah Shank Photography, Stephanie Jenkins Photography, & Rose Trade Co
THE PROS OF A FIRST LOOK
- You spend more time with your fiance: On a wedding day, it is customary to spend the morning apart while both fiances are getting ready. With ceremonies most commonly starting at around 4:00pm – 5:00pm in the DMV, you really spend most of your wedding day without each other.
- More time for wedding photos: A first look means we can knock out a large portion of your portraits before the ceremony even begins. That includes couples portraits, immediate family photos and wedding party photos. This frees up your cocktail hour so you can actually enjoy it with your guests, instead of spending it in front of a camera should you decide to. Or, it gives you the opportunity to take more photos.
- A calmer, more intimate moment: Seeing each other privately, without a room full of eyes on you, feels more personal and less overwhelming. So many of my couples tell me it gives them more space to just be present with each other before the day gets going. It’s also a great way to calm the wedding day jitters.
- Less pressure walking down the aisle: If you’ve already had your big emotional moment during the first look, walking down the aisle can feel a little less nerve-wracking. I find this helps a lot of couples stay composed and present for their ceremony.
- A smoother wedding day timeline: Getting portraits done early takes so much pressure off your day-of schedule. It allows you to capture a large amount of photos before the ceremony, which will then give you the opportunity to relax and enjoy the reception with the guests so you don’t miss out on any moments.
Photos by Altamira Film Co., Sharp Impressions Photo, & Zaida Gonzalez Photography.
THE CONS OF A FIRST LOOK
- You lose the aisle reveal: For some couples, seeing each other for the first time while walking down the aisle is non-negotiable, and that’s completely valid. The most traditional way is to see each other for the first time at the altar and the first look would jeopardize that moment.
- Bad luck?: For some superstitious folks, the First Look goes against the known superstition that seeing the bride in her dress before the wedding is bad luck. To each their own with this one! 😂
- It can feel less spontaneous: Because a first look is planned and posed, some couples feel it takes away from the raw, authentic energy of a traditional aisle reveal. However, a good planning team will ensure that it all gets choreographed well so that you’re able to feel all the feels.
- It adds time to your morning: If you’re not seeing each other until the ceremony, you can ultimately start hair & makeup later and have a more relaxed morning. Coordinating a first look means building in extra time before the ceremony for hair, makeup, and getting both partners ready earlier than you would otherwise need to.
- It’s one more moving piece to plan: Between figuring out the right time, location, and photography flow, a first look does require some additional coordination on an already busy day, but that’s exactly what I’m here for.
ALTERNATIVES TO CONSIDER
- Some brides decide to do the first look and a lot of their portraits without a veil and then wear the veil for the ceremony. This is a good way to switch up the look enough so that it still feels special.
- I’ve seen some couples do a “First Touch” or a “First Prayer” where they are near each other, without seeing each other, getting the benefits of spending more time together and a few extra photos without losing their moment at the ceremony.
SO, WHICH ONE IS RIGHT FOR YOU?
Ask yourselves what matters most to you: Is it more time with your guests, or that iconic, unscripted aisle moment? There’s no wrong answer here, only what feels most true to the two of you.
Both will have its own set of logistical challenges, but a good planner or coordinator can ensure that you don’t even notice the back & forth!
Whatever you decide, the most important thing is that the moment feels authentic to your relationship. Whether you see each other for the first time in a quiet garden ceremony or at the end of the aisle, it’s the love between you two, and this important next step you’re taking, that makes the moment magical.
If you’re still on the fence about your wedding day first look, that’s exactly what I’m here for. Let’s chat through the options and figure out what makes the most sense for your big day.
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